Life’s path is about to take a big, scary, fun, turn.
I’ve enjoyed my final Denver summer (at least for now), and we’ve now moved into the fall season. The season where everyone gets back to their real life… vacations are over, school is back in session; we all get back to the important work of our lives.
And so, after much internal debate, I finally had to force myself into making the decision to move back to California to pursue new opportunities. I’ve set the date; November 11th.
Work has spiraled in the past year and a half. It has gotten much more difficult, I have much fewer resources available to get the same or more workload completed, and I’ve exhausted myself at the workplace. This always seems to be the case. I see the patterns that I’ve established throughout my life. Usually every 2-4 years I have a strong notion to leave my employer for something else. I’ve been at The Salt Mine for six years now, so I’m overdue. I suppose lasting six years is a testament of sorts to how tolerable it has been, but I truly have come to the end of my rope at this point. It’s time to move on to something new. Maybe even something exciting! Maybe something grand.
At the same time, I look inward to my life and see a person that I don’t necessarily feel reflects "me". Since moving to Denver six years ago, I’ve become more reclusive and less social. While the friends that I have had here and the acquaintances I’ve made along the way have had positive influences on my life, the fact is that their quality and impact on my life hasn’t been as motivating for me as I’ve grown accustomed to. My coworkers have been great people, but because of my position I’ve always had ethical concerns with fraternizing with them. I keep my distance between myself and coworkers and subordinates.
I’ve found that I’ve spent less time on my hobbies and interests. In the mountains, it was really, really, easy to toss the skis in the back of the car and make some tracks or hop on the bike for a quick spin on the trails. The summertime brought a festival every weekend which was a big community event, where you’d always see someone that you knew. And work was always energetic during the busy seasons, with an amusement park sort of feel to it - a byproduct of being surrounded by resorts. The shoulder-seasons provided a much needed respite from the mayhem of the peaks. My flying activities were highlighted by great people that I became close friends with. It was a vastly different feeling from the city, where I’m but a small fish in a much larger pond. I’ve written about it before, this life cycle that I’ve developed over the years. How my sense of place is paramount to my happiness, how a place and the people affect my life. A prime example was my stint in San Diego at SDSU.
So, after a lot of self-analysis, I determined that now is the time for the next big life-altering decision. It’s very scary in the sense that I’m leaving a place that I love, but I’ve realized that in many ways, it’s not the place, but the people that matter. I’m headed to a place that I know, that brings back a sense of familiarity and comfort, and where there is the best support system for me. It’s also very scary in the sense that, at this point, I don’t know where my career path will take me. I have to learn to embrace that, in short order, and have confidence in myself that my skills and abilities have the power to take me to new places I have never been and that I’ll land surefooted.
Of course, I couldn’t do all of this by myself, and Jody and Kat have been the most supportive and wonderful friends, allowing me to make all of this happen and to propel me into the next chapter of my life. To them, I am eternally grateful.
So, in just over a month, I’ll be headed back west, over the grandeur that is the Continental Divide, and onto new roads and new journeys ahead. It scares the hell out of me, but I’m confident only good will come of it.
In the meantime, there is much to do. And I’ve already begun. Research is underway. The job search is underway. Finding the perfect property management company to handle the condo is underway. Emails are being sent. Contacts are being made. Lists (forever, lists!) have been compiled. The main closet has been cleaned out and things are beginning to get sorted and stacked into organized piles, ready for boxes and packing tape and thick, black markers. The wheels have been set in motion. There is no stopping this freight train now.
While it’s all very scary for a person who thrives on routine and loathes chaos in his life, it’s all going to be okay. Not just okay, but better than it is now. I’m assured of it.
On another note, John pulled back into Denver yesterday and today we unloaded the moving truck into his storage unit. It’s great to have him back here, and I can really see the sparkle in his eye. He’s in his place of bliss. We spent the afternoon and early evening together catching up, and doing some of the things people do when they reestablish themselves. We went to the DMV and got his new driver’s license and registration taken care of, went to get his emissions test, and had a nice dinner together. I got to see the place where he’s staying with friends, and it’s a great house that will be perfect for his transition. I see in him so much of what I hope to see in myself in just five short weeks.
I haven’t told him of my intentions. It’s too soon, and I don’t want to trump his own new journey by announcing my own at this point. He just got back here yesterday, and it’s an exciting time for him. I’m looking forward to spending some time with him each week before I depart. To build upon a strong foundation of friendship that we already enjoy. I don’t want my decision to play into our exchanges and the time we spend together over the coming weeks. He’ll know soon enough.
Still, I do feel a bit awkward about keeping it from him. It’s like I’m walking around with this little secret coursing through my life. It’s a weird feeling, but for now I just need to keep my cards close.
And, of course, work doesn’t know. They won’t get that pleasure until we are but two weeks out. I know they aren’t going to like the news one bit, with the upcoming holiday season coming at us very quickly, but I refuse to feel guilty about that. They’ll make it through, somehow. And until then, I’ve promised myself that I’ll do the best job that I can without driving myself crazy. I’ll leave there with a clear conscience.
Denver and Colorado have left indelible impressions on me, ones that will stick for the rest of my life. It’s a wonderful place to live, and I’ve had my share of enjoyment from this great state, its mountains, and this city. Part of my heart will stay here when Jody and I roll out of town. But there’s whole new adventures around the bend. And I’m looking forward to them.
Zoom-Zoom
